Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell.....

Cheryl Cole, louis Walsh & Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls her knickers down, and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn" Louis starts crying. "What...s wrong ?" says Simon. Louis sobs "My head wont fit in the railings !"

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV....

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said...
"Babe, tell me something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time."

She said ... "You've got the biggest cock out of all your mates."

A woman just looked through the window while I was having a wank....

A woman has just looked thru the window whilst I was having a wank. She slowly walked up to the window and mouthed the words, "GET THE FUCK OUT MY GARDEN"

Husband is watching the TV....

Husband is watching the tv when his wife comes in & asks "I just fell down the stairs didnt you hear me?" Husband replies "sorry luv I thought it was the start of eastenders!"

Muslim terrorists....

Muslim terrorists have been on the rampage in Bradford killing anyone who's english .
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5.

Text joke: Call me now!!!

CALL ME NOW!!! I am SO PISSED OFF! I lost 3 retards today, 1 at McDonald's, 1 at Tesco, and where the Fuck are you? I said hold hands!

Shag

(SHAG)

Funny word isnt it...

To a carpet maker its a long pile rug...

To a smoker.... its a type of tobacco.

To an American..., its a dance.

To an ornethologist.... its a bird.

And to you... ya ugly fucker.... its just a remote possibility!...