Marriage is ....

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a fuckin club and spade!

Chess

I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although its hard to find 32 of them.

Paddy brought 2 horses....

Paddy bought 2 horses & could never remember which one was which so he cut the tail off 1 & that worked great till the other horse got his tail caught in a bush & it looked exactly like the other. his pal suggested he notch the ear of 1 horse & that worked great till the other horse caught his ear on barbed wire. The pal then suggested Paddy measure the horses for height & he was delighted to find that the black one was 2 inches taller than the white one.

Little Sally came home from school...

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother "Frank Brown showed me his willy today". Before her mum freaked out she added "It reminded me of a peanut". Relaxing a little, with a hidden smile, her mother asked "Really small was it?". Sally replied "....... No, salty!

The Football Coach....

The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"

So Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw 'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.

His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "That you Bubba?"