Man driving down narrow road...

Man driving down narrow road. Woman driving up same road. They pass each other. Man winds window down & shouts "FUCKIN FAT COW." Woman yells back "FUCKIN BALD PRICK." Woman drives round corner, crashes into a huge cow and dies. If only woman would fucking listen!

The missus suggested we use some toys in the bedroom

The missus suggested we use some toys in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. She wasn't too impressed, the ungrateful bitch..... 2 fuckin hours that Scalextric tool me to set up!

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman all discussing families. Englishman says my son was born on St George's Day so I called him George. Scotsman says what a coincidence, my son was born on St Andrew's Day so I called him Andrew. Irishman says I don't fucking believe this - wait till I tell our Pancake!

I grew up in a tough area

I grew up in a tough area. When I was a kid, people used to cover me in chocolate and cream then put a cherry on my head....

Life was tough in the Gateau.

What does a Spanish Hooker say....

What does a Spanish Hooker say when she can't reach a footballer's cock? - "Peter Crouch".